


What now?

by w_s



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-07-27 11:17:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7615990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w_s/pseuds/w_s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Olivia and Barba attempt to rebuild their friendship months after Manhattan Transfer/Unholiest Alliance</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Easy Silence

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic so we'll see how that goes. Did I title this after a Dixie Chicks song? Perhaps

Rafael Barba stood just outside of the emergency waiting room with two large coffees in hand. For the first time since he had heard the news he let himself stop and think about what he was doing. He had just gotten out of the shower and was looking forward to getting to bed before midnight for the first time in way too long when he checked his phone. He had one unread text message from Rollins who explained that Noah had a chest infection and the Lieutenant had taken her son to the hospital. Without thinking he pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt instead of his pyjamas and got in a cab. For the first time since his first year at Harvard he left the house without meticulously checking that is hair looked good. Without a healthy supply of gel and a lot of combing the natural wave in his hair took control. He was also wearing an outfit usually reserved for weekends at home and maybe the occasionally quick run to bodega for coffee. He didn’t care about his appearance though. He just knew that he had to get to Olivia and Noah. It wasn’t until he was standing just outside of the waiting room that he realized that Olivia might not want him there. A few months ago they were close enough that she wouldn’t have questioned it but after the fight between them things had changed. They were professional but their friendship hadn’t come back – not like it was before. He found himself thinking that he should go home yet he walked through.   
The waiting room wasn’t crowded and he spotted Olivia right away. She didn’t see him though. Her head was resting against the wall and her eyes were closed. “Liv?” He said softly. As he said it he realized it had been months since he had called her anything but Lieutenant or Benson. Her eyes shot open and then a look of confusion crossed her face.   
“Barba?”  
“I … I thought you might need a coffee.” He said thrusting the cup forward awkwardly. She smiled and took the cup. Barba took that as a cue that it was okay he was there and took a seat in the hard plastic chair next to her. “How is he?”  
“Okay.” Olivia sighed. “They’re still trying to get his fever to come down. We were hoping that chest infections and fevers like this were behind him but …” She shrugged. Barba didn’t know what to say so he chose to say nothing. He wasn’t good at this stuff. Despite the fact that he had come here to comfort her he didn’t know how to do that. He though back to when she had comforted him after his Abuela had passed away and felt guilty that he couldn’t provide the same kind of support. So instead he sat there feeling helpless but Olivia didn’t seem to mind. The silence was nice. It was good – comfortable.


	2. Good Night

Chapter 2: Goodnight  
Rafael Barba had fallen asleep the moment he flopped onto the couch. After leaving the hospital he had only had time to go home and quickly shower and change and then worked all day. Finally, at just before six o’clock he called it a day and dragged his exhausted body back to his apartment. He was hungry but too tired to even think about eating so he just slept.  
It was the buzzing of his phone as it vibrated on the coffee table that made him wake up. He groped without opening his eyes and answered with a gruff, “Barba.”  
“It’s Benson.” The voice on the other side sounded confused. “Were you sleeping?”  
“Hmm?” Barba forced his eyes open and sat up. “No, no. What’s up?”  
“I just wanted to call and thank you for everything last night and let you know that Noah is home. His fever is gone and his cough isn’t nearly as bad so they think the worst of the infection is over.”  
“That’s great news, Liv.” Barba replied, he stifled a yawn as he looked at the clock and realized he had only been asleep for just under an hour.  
“Yeah it is.” Olivia replied and the two fell into an awkward silence. “Hey Barba,” Olivia broke the silence. “Do you want to come over for a thank you dinner? I haven’t eaten since this morning and I was going to order some Chinese.” Barba had planned to sleep and maybe order some food in later. They weren’t the most exciting Friday night plans but he was exhausted and his Friday night plans were usually going over case files while sitting on the couch. But the invitation to spend some more time with Olivia was too tempting and he found himself accepting the invitation with a smile spreading across his face.  
\---  
Barba arrived at Olivia’s forty-five minutes after the phone call. He had quickly showered, put on some fresh clothing and downed a cup of coffee before getting in an Uber and heading over. On the way he made a quick stop to grab a bottle of Olivia’s favourite red wine. Olivia’s apartment was unusually quiet. Though Barba had only been over there a couple of times, and not for the past several months, he was used to the sounds of Noah playing and chatting happily. The boy looked significantly better than he had the previous night but he was still pale and curled up on the couch awake but looking extremely tired.  
“Barba this was supposed to be me thanking you. You weren’t supposed to bring me something.” Olivia said as Barba handed her the bottle of wine upon his arrival. Rafael replied with a little smirk and leaned against the kitchen counter as Olivia opened the boxes of take-out Chinese food and poured them each a glass of wine. The two settled on the couch, Olivia next to Noah and Barba on the other end. Olivia managed to get Noah to eat a bit of soup broth and drink some apple juice but he was generally uninterested in eating. After giving up on trying to get Noah to eat she put on a film for him and began to eat her on dinner. Rafael was surprised at how comfortable he was sitting there and watching Olivia and her son interact. It felt extremely personal and normally he would be uncomfortable in such a situation but not this time.  
“Barba,” Olivia said after they had finished eating. “Can I ask you another favour?”  
“Of course,” Barba replied.  
“Do you mind watching Noah while I shower? I haven’t showered since last night and I feel gross.”  
“Of course, Liv.” Barba replied with a small chuckle.  
As Olivia showered she felt herself, for the first time since Noah’s fever spiked the night before, relaxing. The past twenty-four hours had been a rollercoaster of emotions. Not only was it heart-wrenching and terrifying to watch her son fall sick yet again. She had felt helpless as she had to sit in the waiting room while he was swept away by nurses. When Barba had shown up at the hospital Olivia was both confused and deeply touched. Their relationship had been strained and she was worried that she had ruined it beyond repair by dating Tucker and not telling him. Their relationship had gotten a bit better overtime but it was not the same and she had been sure it never would be. Except he had shown up. He had been there with her all night. He had held her son and he had stayed up all night so she could sleep. Olivia did not know what Barba’s actions in the past twenty-four hours meant but she didn’t care. She was just happy he was there. They could discuss the rest later.  
When Olivia returned to the living room she was surprised by what she saw. Rafael was lying on the couch with Noah in his arms. Both were asleep. Rafael was snoring lightly. Olivia smiled, kissed Noah on the forehead and then kissed Rafael on the cheek and whispered “good night,” to both before she settled on the arm chair and drifted asleep.


	3. ...And in the Morning

When Rafael Barba woke up he had no idea where he was and why he was so stiff. He slowly opened his eyes and realized that the reason was because he had slept on a couch which, at forty, was something he really shouldn’t do. It was the smell of coffee and the light peeking through the curtains that woke him up. He rubbed his eyes and groaned as he sat up and tried to figure out where he was and why he was there.   
“You’re finally awake,” Olivia’s voice made him realize where he was and then he remembered that he must have fallen asleep on her couch the night before and he was hit with a wave of embarrassment.   
“What time is it?” He managed.   
“Just after eight. You slept for about ten hours.” Olivia explained. “Coffee?”   
“Please.” Barba stood up and wandered over to the kitchen. “Look Liv, I’m really sorry that I fell asleep on your couch.”   
“It’s fine.” Olivia explained. “Really, don’t worry about it. Besides you got Noah to fall asleep and you were clearly exhausted … did you sleep at all after the hospital?”  
“Uh no.” Barba shrugged and took the cup of coffee from Olivia.   
“Why did you come over? You could have told me you needed to sleep.” Olivia said as she slid onto one of the island stools.   
“I wanted to see you.” The words escaped Barba’s lips before he could think about their implication. The two had been doing a carefully orchestrated dance of not discussing how intimate the last thirty-six hours had been but with that comment Barba ruined it. Barba could feel the tone of the room shift.   
“I think we should talk.” Olivia said. “How about you brew some more coffee while I get Noah up and then we can talk.”  
As Noah played happily (though more calmly than normal) on the living room floor Olivia and Barba sat on the couch sipping coffee in an uncomfortable silence. Neither knew where to start. They had hardly spent any time together outside of what was mandatory for work since Olivia’s relationship with the IAB Captain was revealed and now here he was sitting in her living room after sleeping over and after showing up at the hospital to check on her and her sick son. To make it all worse there was the issue of Tucker. Of that fact that Olivia had felt herself wanting to reach out to Barba last night and not Ed. Olivia kept telling herself that it was nothing. That Barba had been there because she needed a friend and that’s what he was. That she hadn’t called Ed because he was in Seattle at a conference and wouldn’t have been able to help anyways. She wasn’t sure she believed herself though. Not as she sat next to the ADA and found herself wanting to kiss him and to have his arms wrapped around her.   
“It’s means a lot to me that you’ve been here for me.” Olivia finally broke the silence.   
“Of course, Liv.” He replied. “Look, I know we haven’t been that close lately but I’ll always be there for you.” His green eyes locked with her brown. Barba was glad that Noah was in the room because otherwise he wasn’t sure he would be able to stop himself from kissing her. Just as he was telling himself that he needed to leave before he did something to mess up their working relationship and friendship again there was a sharp knock on the door. Whoever it was hadn’t needed to buzz to get in the front door which meant that they either knew the doorman or had a key. Olivia and Barba both knew who was on the other side of the door before the person let himself in.   
“Olivia, are you -?” Ed Tucker called as he stepped inside the apartment. The rest of his sentence was lost when he laid eyes on Olivia and Barba sitting on the couch together. “Oh, hi. I just got back in town.” Ed stood in the doorway with a look of confusion and slight anger. Olivia walked over and greeted him with a quick kiss on the cheek.   
“Well, I better be going.” Barba stood up. “Lieutenant, again I’m sorry for bothering you at home on a Saturday but it’s important you go over those files before trial starts Monday. I won’t bother you any longer.”  
“Oh, yes thank you Counsellor.” Olivia stammered and Barba gave a quick nod to her and Tucker and left her apartment.


	4. The Calm Before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter but it's just to set everything else up

It was one of those mornings where everything was going wrong. First, Barba overslept. He must have turned off his alarm clock in his sleep but there was no recollection of doing it. When he woke up it was nearly eight o’clock. He was due in court for the arraignment of Munson at 9:30 and needed to stop by the office first. When he went to put the coffee on before jumping in the shower he discovered that his maker had decided to spontaneously die. He practicially tore his kitchen apart hoping to find some instant – not ideal but caffeinated – but came up empty handed. He groaned and got in the shower. It usually took him close to a half an hour to get ready as he was very particular about the way he looked. However, he didn’t have the time and had to rush through his morning routine. He was happily surprised to see that he looked fairly presentable as he ran out the door. In the cab on the way to his office he received two hang-up threats.   
When Barba finally got to his office his head was pounding from the lack of caffeine and he was thoroughly grumpy. He breezed past Carmen, “I’m only here for a couple minutes but is there any coffee around?” He asked without stopping to notice that Carmen already had her mouth open to tell him something. Barba had had enough surprises for one morning and so when he saw Benson sitting in his office he couldn’t help but let out an audible groan.   
“Sorry,” Olivia said standing up. “I was just hoping to get a few minutes alone to talk before the arraignment. I sort of expected you would already be here.” It had been a couple of weeks since Noah was taken to the ER but the two hadn’t talked about it. There hadn’t been time as they were almost immediately thrown into the reality-show rape case which was a nightmare and then Munson. The case that kept getting more horrific by the minute.   
“No, I didn’t mean …” Barba stammered. “It’s good to see you and I would like to talk but I’m already running late.” Barba started to grab the necessary piles from his desk and shove them into his briefcase. Carmen silently brought him a cup of coffee which he immediately gulped down despite its temperature. “Dinner, tonight?”   
“Sounds good.” Olivia smiled and touched his arm briefly.


	5. All Falls Down

The past two days had been a blur. The arraignment, the threat on the stair case, the threat in the elevator, and then the death of Dodds. It was horrific. It was too much to even comprehend. The squad was ripped apart by the tragedy. Olivia and Barba hadn’t gone for dinner for obvious reasons. The night of Dodds funeral the bar was filled with mourners – mostly police officers. Barba sat on the edge of the bar and scanned the room. He was of course upset by the death of Dodds. He didn’t know him well but what he did know of him was that he was a good man and a good cop. He was a hard worker and dedicated to doing a good job. Barba was surprised to learn that Dodd’s was not always the good little boy that his father wanted him to be and that had helped in the whole liking him department. Yet, Barba felt out of place there. He wasn’t sure if it was because he wasn’t a cop or because every time he scanned the room he couldn’t help but wonder if his wake would be so well attended. The threats that he had managed to shrug off for months had come to a head and earlier in the day Barba realized that someone might actually try and kill him. Death was possible. One minute someone could be in the world and then they could be gone. If it could happen to Dodds while he tried to get a wife out of a bad situation than it should easily happen to Barba. Enough people hated him and he realized they might succeed in killing him. He had told Carisi that he wasn’t worried – not in there and that was partially true. He felt safe around the SVU detectives. However, as he scanned the room he couldn’t get his mind off the death threats. When his eyes fell on Olivia speaking closely with Tucker it became too much. He grabbed his drink and ducked out to the patio. He had just lit the cigarette, a habit he couldn’t help but pick up whenever he was stressed, when he heard someone clear their throat.   
“Mr. Barba.” A voice from the street startled him. He whipped around to see someone he did not know. “You got my boy in trouble. They’ve got cops at his house – he can’t go home.”  
“What do you want?” Barba replied firmly. He tried to keep the fear out of his voice but his hand went straight for his pocket. His fingers groped around only to find it empty and he realized that he must have left it on the counter of the bar. He swallowed hard but tried to remain unnerved. The man didn’t reply. “Who sent you?” Barba couldn’t help but be reminded of being a fourteen and getting cornered on the street whenever he walked alone. The neighbourhood guys would target him – he was small, usually reading but mouthy. It was a recipe for disaster. His mother used to tell him that his mouth would get him in deep trouble one day.   
The man let out a cold chuckle. “Like my friend already told you, you’ve made so many enemies you’ll never know.”  
“So what you’re going to kill me? Here, outside of a bar of cops? You’ll never get away with it.” Barba tried to keep his tone casual but his heart felt like it might tear through his chest at any moment.   
“You think they care about you? Nah, you’re not their friend and you know that. You’re not one of them … especially after you sent those three cops to trial and now with that CO.” The man scoffed. Barba began to stumble back and reached for the doorknob. The door was glass and Barba was sure that people would see this. Someone would see him. Right?   
Barba’s hand found the doorknob and turned around to open it. Barba heard the shot before he felt it. He knew the sound all too well from growing up in the Bronx. When the bullet pierced his skin he heard a strangled cry but didn’t realize that it was coming from his own mouth.


	6. Not Again

Olivia could not understand how she was back in the same hospital waiting room as another one of her co-workers was having surgery after getting shot twice in one week. Olivia sat and stared blankly ahead. She was numb. She was guilt-ridden. She had failed to protect another one of her own. Barba could die. They would catch the guy who did it. They would get him to admit who sent them. They would do anything to get to admit it. This would be the end of the threats against Barba but it didn’t matter. If Barba died than none of it mattered – nothing would bring him back. Olivia tried to push the thought out of her mind but couldn’t. Tucker was there. Silent and strong but that only made Olivia feel worse. Olivia looked down at her hands. They were still covered in Barba’s blood. When she had heard the shot she instinctively went to the scene with her gun out but she had not expected to see Barba sprawled on the patio floor bleeding. She had yelled for a bus and tried to stop the bleeding as the rest of the squad and then the other cops in the bar materialized around her. Rollins had had to pull Olivia off of Barba when the paramedics arrived. Now they sat in the same waiting room again while Barba was in surgery. Olivia was hardly aware of anyone around her. Unaware of Ed trying to lend a comforting arm around her shoulders. Unaware of Rollins silently crying in the corner or of Fin pacing back and forth in anger or of Carisi sitting and for once not trying to explain the situation or offer opinions. No one spoke. Guilt and fear consumed them.   
After what seemed like forever a doctor finally arrived in the waiting room and asked if any of Barba’s family was there. Rollins explained that they had called his mother but she was in Miami visiting family and that the next flight wasn’t until the morning. When the doctor began explaining that they could only speak to family unless the squad was there on business in which case they would need a warrant. “He is out family!” Fin shocked everyone as he strode into the doctor’s face his voice shaky.   
“Okay,” the doctor sighed. “He’s out of surgery and in recovery. The bullet didn’t hit any major arteries and missed his spine so we’re optimistic that he will make a full recovery. He’s still asleep but one of you can go and see him.” The doctor gave a bit of a nod and walked away without saying anything more.   
“Go Liv.” Rollins finally broke the silence.   
\---   
When Olivia entered Barba’s hospital room she couldn’t bring herself to walk past the doorway. She was taken aback by how small and pale he looked lying there. He was hooked up to several tubes and cords but the heart monitor steadily beeped. He was lying absolutely still except for the slow and small rise of his chest. “You can go to him,” a nurse startled Olivia from behind. “Sometimes it actually helps people wake up if they hear someone they know.” Olivia nodded and forced herself to walk closer to him.   
Olivia held Rafael’s hand in hers. “I’m here Rafael. I’m here for you.” Her voice was quiet and shaky. She waited for a response but there wasn’t one. “The whole squad is here waiting to see you. Your Mom is on her way too. Everyone was terrified when he heard the shot and when we realized it was you. We’re canvassing the area. We’ll get the guy in no time so you don’t have to worry about that.” Olivia waited again but there was no sign that Rafael was hearing anything.   
“Rafael, when this is over let’s go for dinner.” Olivia spoke without thinking. She wasn’t even sure what she was saying. “Let’s go to that Italian place I was telling you about. It has the best alfredo sauce I’ve had. We’ll eat way too much and drink wine and laugh like we used to. Do you remember when you asked me what I’ll be doing when I’m 85 and I said I’d be squabbling with you. I meant it. I don’t know what happened or why I pushed you away. You’re the one for me. I don’t know why I wouldn’t let myself believe it but you’re it. Please, wake up Rafael.” The words startled Olivia as they poured from her mouth but she knew them to be true. They were the thoughts she had been trying to force out for a long time. The thoughts she was scared to have. She kissed Rafael’s cheek softly. “Please, Rafael. Please wake up.”  
“Oh,” A man’s voice startled Olivia and she turned around to find Tucker standing in the doorway with a cup of coffee. “I just came to bring you this and let you know that we talked to the nurses and they said that the rest of the squad can see him if they want.” Tucker thrust out the coffee and Olivia mumbled a thanks. He turned and walked away. Olivia knew that she would have to deal with him and that later but she was not going to walk away from Barba. Not again. Not now.   
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic went completely different than I expected but I'm still pretty proud of it. Please let me know what you think and please be as honest about how I can improve!


End file.
